I Didn’t Do It

That is what I would say if anyone happens to ask me what happened to the annoying woman who dominates my gym.

When I moved to Provo, I decided to quit my membership to 24 hour fitness because my HOA fees include a gym in the neighborhood. No sense in paying for 2 gyms at once. Plus, I was excited about being able to walk to my gym in under a minute. How cool is that? In LA my gym was a mile or so away, but it seemed to take 10 minutes with all the traffic lights, and you wouldn’t want to walk it at night. I had a gym in my complex in Florida, but with my school schedule…I just didn’t take advantage like I should. I promised myself to take better advantage of such a great situation.

Well, I’ve tried. I’ve gone pretty much everyday these last couple months. But this gym closes at midnight, and really - the card won’t open the door past 11. I enjoy working out late. It wears me out and gets me ready to sleep. I can live with those times though. What I can’t live with is this evil woman.

SHE IS ALWAYS THERE

I’ve tried adjusting my schedule.

SHE IS ALWAYS THERE

I’ve tried showing up at 6am several times (a major effort for me), I’ve tried at 2pm, 9pm and every time in between. It doesn’t matter. I am on a streak of about 12 trips to the gym in a row where she is there, and always on the treadmill. One time, it happened three times in one day. I have no proof that she even left that day. Each time I walk in there, I feel like I am the subject of some awful British hidden camera tv show.

There are two treadmills at this gym, but one has been broken for 2 months or so. I call maintenance every week - still, the treadmill blinks its sad broken down message. I use other machines, but the treadmill is my weapon of choice. Sometimes I will hop on the cycle or something and try to wait her out. I’ve given up on this for two reasons. (1) She runs for hours. When the 1 hour limit is up, her hand is already on the button to restart. It is seamless. (2) She often brings her two young boys, and ignores them as they hang like animals from all the other machines – including whichever one I am using.

What puts me over the top though? This woman has no idea how to run. Her mechanics are awful. She runs like she has been stabbed in her side. One of her hands is glued to the front panel (for lack of a better word) so she is basically dragging herself the entire way. I think she would fall off if she took her hand off the machine and swung her arms like a normal person. I don’t think she could keep up.

It is 8:20pm as I finish this post. At 7:45pm I entered the gym to see what I already know. I write this post to vent and to kill some time until I go over and try again. I don’t have much faith that I’ve let enough time pass.

So if anyone ever asks what happed to that woman…I have no idea.